Momma Dona: Dealing with the Birthday Party Dilemma

June 3, 2012

Parties. They can cause so much undo stress for parents. Where to have the party? Whom to invite? Will they RSVP?

When it comes to kindergarten and first grade, the way I see it is that you either have to invite the entire class to a birthday party, or just all the boys or all the girls.

Some folks have a rocket-launched idea to invite only five kids from a class of first graders. How do we expect kids to be discreet about parties at this age? You can ask your kids not to talk about their party in school, but that is like asking them not to talk about the tooth they just lost. This is an unrealistic expectation of such young kids.

We are trying to teach our children at this age how to treat others and not to hurt people's feelings. When they are older they can invite a few friends and keep it to themselves.

Come to think of it, fourth grade might be the right time for that. My compassionate 10-year-old daughter did not want to hurt any one's feelings this year, so told me she needed to invite her entire class, her entire brownie troop, and a couple of other friends for good measure. Yes, the total was 37 invites for a 10-year-old's party. See what happens when you try to teach them the right thing to do? Thank goodness some could not make it!

Dona Zappulla is a local mother of four school-aged children. Based on her experience working with at-risk teenage girls, Dona is writing a book and contributes to HamletHub on parenting, education, and child development. Have a question on those subjects? Write to Dona at questions4dona@gmail.com.